On Fatherhood
Manistee National Forest (MI) & South Cumberland State Park (TN)
November has been an eye-opening month for me. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been lucky to reconnect with a number of close friends. Two couples that I’ve known for a number of years now.
Earlier this month, I got to hang out with Ben and Julia in Detroit. It’s been a while since the three of us have all been together. This trip was a special occasion as I got to meet their two little ones for the first time. While I was there, Ben and I had the chance to sneak out for a one-night camping trip to Manistee National Forest. Our time on the road, around the campfire, and on the trails provided an opportunity to catch up with things; work, teaching, and life. We talked a lot about his new family and what’s it like to now be a dad. We discussed the ups and downs, the challenges and the precious moments of being a father. We opened up about our childhood, about our dads, about our upbringing.
I was home for about a week before I headed out to Nashville to see my other two close friends, Joseph and Michelle. My visit was two-fold; to backpack in the TN mountains as well as see their four month old baby. Our original backpacking trip was with a few guys, although it ended up being just me and Joseph after the other two backed out last minute. We didn’t mind, as this allowed Joseph and I to catch up fully. Our 10 mile hike into camp kicked off conversations about; life, work, and all things in-between. And of course, we talked about fatherhood.
During all of these conversations with both Ben and Joseph, I shared my thoughts, dreams, and aspirations; the family I’d like to have, the business I’m working on, the partner I hope to have by my side. They gave me advice and shared their stories of what worked, what didn’t, what they would have done differently. Those guys gave me lots to think about, lots to consider as I think about the goals I’ve set for myself. They offered me ideas and strategies on what worked for them. I listened. I took notes.
Through both trips, I started to get a clearer sense of a life that I hope to have one day… A life full of love and companionship, a life with a little one (or two) running around the house. These trips gave me inspiration and guidance on what I need to double down on in order for me to achieve some of my goals.
These conversations helped me imagine how my life would be as a dad, how I would act, react, and show up to fatherhood.
What kind of dad will I be?
What kind of legacy will I leave behind for my kid(s)?
Am I doing enough now to create a good life for them?
I saw these guys being dads in front of me, a side of themselves I’ve never seen before. It was amazing. It was beautiful to watch their faces light up and hear their voices get soft and gushy when they were around their little ones. So awesome.
Over the last couple of weeks, I couldn’t help but think of the work I’m doing, and the world they will inherit. Fuck. What a shit show it’s going to be. Their life will be vastly different than when I was a kid.
Am I doing enough to ensure a healthy planet for them to live on?
Will my business be able to support them, my family?
Am I on the right path to achieve this?
If I were to have a child in the next few years, the world will be very different than what it is now by the time they are adults. The future of the world will be unlike it is now. Lifestyle, food, education, jobs, the quality of life will not be like it is today. That’s some heavy shit.
I write this piece on my dad’s birthday. On November 29, he would have turned 68. It’s been almost a year since he passed away. Of course, during this time, he’s been on my mind. I’ve been thinking of the countless traits and lessons he taught me when he was alive.
What traits from my dad will I instill in my children?
What traits from him will I want to leave behind?
Will I live up to my dad’s legacy?
I saw my dad shift from a hardass to a soft teddy bear when my four nieces and nephews were born. I sat on the sideline watching him grin ear-to-ear holding and playing with each of his grandkids, revealing the gentle giant he was. I’m sad that he won’t be around to meet my kids, to do the same for them.
To all the new, young dads out there… you have an amazing gift. Instill your best selves into your little ones. Teach them how to be good people. Teach them how to listen, to care, and to love. Teach your boys that it’s ok to show emotions, to cry, to say “I’m sorry”. Teach your girls to not take shit from asshole guys, to run for office, to know they are beautiful (always). Do your best. Go along with their stories. Get on their level. Take them camping. Go on bike rides. Dress up in costumes with them. Have fun. Be silly. Love them.
